I wasn't going to make a blog post about this, but I have reached the point of no return. I have a glass of wine and I have a homeschool curriculum in the shopping cart. Just waiting for the hubs to get home to pull the trigger.
Wine is helping a little, but no chocolate in the house atm. After a couple of tearful phone calls to Chad, he is probably driving around the block a few times before walking into what feels like Armageddon.
I feel like I have let my children down. I have lost my patience too many times. For God’s sake, I am their mother, I should be able to teach them, I should BE the one teaching them. I shouldn’t pawn them off to the govt and pray for the best. I feel guilty for being happy when I send them school. But I feel even more guilt for feeling miserable when trying to teach them.
The thing is, my kids LOVE school. We love our bus driver, he is a godsend. We love the staff, but these damn packets can be used for toilet paper for all I care. Let’s be honest toilet paper is scarce these days.
Let me preface this for all you Karen’s out there, I know my teachers are doing the best they can. I know they have in immense load on them too. This is not easy for any of us. My problem lies with the county's expectations. Shame on whoever thought it was feasible to INTEND for a parent to spend 8 hours of a day teaching. When I called my school about the workload, they told me the county requires each child to spend 8 hours a day doing school work. That means 16 hours a day the county intends for me to sit with my child to do their school work.
Think about that! 8 hours. a. day! I get it, they are usually in school for 8 hours, but the school has a lunch lady, a janitor, and a principal’s office for discipline. Teachers also get lunch and a lesson planning time to themselves. Hey SCBOE I am still waiting for those people to show up for work at my house. I am kidding because I am bitter, but it’s true. I haven’t cooked a REAL meal in weeks. I need an excavator to work on this pile of laundry. I don’t know why I even have laundry because I have been wearing the same clothes for 3 days. Why change? I can’t leave to go anywhere because I have a ball and chain called VIRTUAL LEARNING! When I teach one kid, the other is causing all sorts of havoc being unsupervised.
When the governor closed restaurants, we did not have the expectation of having a restaurant quality meal made at home. We expected pizzas to be popped in the oven. We didn’t expect for the bus boy to come pick up our dishes, or the dishwasher to wash them. We expected to see the dishes in the sink. YOU CANNOT EXPECT FOR EDUCATION TO BE THE SAME AT HOME WHEN NOT ALLOWED IN SCHOOL. It's not healthy to put this stress on parents or teachers who have to deal with disgruntled parents.
Now sure, we had to pay the tab at the restaurant, but y’all we pay this tab. Our tax dollars pay this tab. I haven’t seen a paycheck. Okay. Okay. Let's be honest, that is probably the wine talkin’ at this point. But if SCBOE wanted to send me a check, I wouldn't turn it down. I better be seeing a billboard with my face on it for "Teacher of the Year". I already got a picture ready for you to use.
All of this aside, I am scared y’all! What if homeschooling isn’t any better? What if I totally suck at it? What if we spend just as much time doing school work? What if I screw them up even more than I already have? These are true fears that I have. Those are the reasons I have not done this sooner. I am not a good teacher, I know where to cut my losses. But I am jumping on the shear chance that homeschooling might make me happier. Us Happier. That my children will be fulfilled and enriched and not turning in some colored emoji for their computer credit. True story, I am not making this up. My daughter is at rick of getting a zero for not coloring an emoji for her computer credit...
If you are in the same boat, I see you. I hear you and I am sending hugs. This is flippin' hard! 2020 is flipping hard. If you are one of those parents who think the packets are great and can manage their children like a well oiled machine. Cheers. Don't judge others who can't do it like you. Because it's a damn zoo up in here, and I am huddled in the corner with a crucifix. See, we are all just trying to get through this unscathed. I don’t know what the future brings but we will take it one glass at a time. Cheers.